Better Left Unsaid
by Cylann
Summary: What if when Tommy told Jude that if he couldn't make it with Sadie, he didn't know if he could make it with anyone she had taken him at his word. Jude has supported their relationship for the last 6 years, even though she knows what Tommy feels for her.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi everyone, here is another story I have posted on DLS. I figured I would share since my other one Lost Weekend is over. Hope you enjoy!_

**Part One**

She looked at her reflection as she stared out the coffee shop window. She had just broken up with Kevin last night. He had not taken it well, accusing her of stringing him along. 22 years old and countless relationships, all of them doomed before the first kiss. She had dated too many men and she was giving up. She would never find what she was looking for because it was_ him_ she looked for in every man she met. She was so tired of being alone, as the world moved around her. A young woman with a stroller passed by, and she saw the adorable baby bundled for the crisp Autumn air. Maybe...

"Hey Sades. I have something to tell you."

"What's up Jude?" Sadie was wiping down the counters in her kitchen as Jude sat on a barstool at the counter drinking coffee.

"I'm going to have a baby." Sadie froze and looked up at her in shock. "Don't look at me like that." Jude laughed at her sister's eyes almost bugging out.

"Who's the father?!"

"I'm not pregnant." Sadie gave her an impatient look, waiting for her explanation. "I just realized that I want someone in my life who I can take care of, who'll never leave me." Sadie felt so sad at those words. When their mother had abandoned them, Jude had taken it really hard. 3 years ago their dad had remarried and now had a step-family of his own.

"Jude you have me and Tommy." Jude shook her head.

"You guys have your own life. Be happy for me Sades. You'll be an aunt."

"Who are you going to choose as the father?" Jude gave a careless shrug as she drank from her mug.

"I dunno. Maybe I'll pick some guy up from a bar."

"Jude!"

"Sadie!" She said teasingly. "It's not like I could ask any of the guys to do it. It would be too weird. And sperm banks are just...eww." They both cringed at the thought of that.

"Why don't you wait until you meet someone?"

"Sadie I've dated about 100 guys in the last 7 years. None of them meant enough to me to start a family with." Sadie had to admit Jude had definitely seen more men than anyone would have imagined.

"There's got to be someone out there for you. You just haven't met him yet." Jude's heart ached at those words. She had met _him_ when she had been too young to know better and had loved him ever since.

"I'm not the romantic you are Sadie Quincy."

"Mmm...I never get tired of hearing that." Jude rolled her eyes.

"It's been 2 years, get a grip." Sadie threw her sponge at Jude, which Jude ducked.

"You'll meet someone Jude. I know it." Jude shook her head. It was too late for her, had almost always been too late.

"I don't care anymore. I'm done dating the wrong guy and hurting him because I don't feel enough. By the way I broke up with Kevin the other night."

"Which one was he?" Sadie wrinkled her nose, trying to remember.

"Blond hair, aspiring actor?"

"He was soooo cute."

"He also used the L-word about 2 days after we started dating."

"Okay...As wonderful and talented as you are, that's still not normal."


	2. Chapter 2

Warning: SEXUAL CONTENT. Reviews and such welcome ;)

**Part Two**

She heard a loud knock at her door and went to open it. It was 10pm kind of late for anyone to come by. Tommy came barging in almost pushing her out of the way. She just looked at him in puzzlement. She could count on one hand the number of times he had been over here in the 3 years since she had moved in.

"Why would you choose some random stranger to have a baby with? That's just stupid Harrison." He barked. Apparently Sadie had told him, even when Jude had told her not to. Now he was standing in her apartment yelling at her.

"I'm allowed to be stupid Quincy. I'm just a kid remember?" She was mocking him. At 22 she was the same age as him when he had said those words to her. '_You're just a kid.'_ That was the first excuse of many that he had used, to stay away from her. Even back when she actually had been that kid she had known the truth. He was scared of her, of what they were to each other, of actually being happy. Then he had chosen her sister and her sister loved him. After what their parents went through she would never do that to Sadie. She would never make him realize what she really meant to him.

"Why not me?" She froze at his words, thinking she must be in some kind of whacked out nightmare.

"Are you crazy Quincy?! You're my brother-in-law!"

"And you're my best friend." She was so tired of the sweet things he said to her.

"Just go home Tommy. It's late."She said tiredly. He grabbed her upper arms forcing her to look at him. Them touching, was always a bad idea she knew.

"Why are you doing this Jude?" _Because I'm tired of being all alone, without you_.

"I want to have a baby. Is that so hard to understand?" His hands gentled on her arms without him really noticing and he began to absentmindedly run them up and down her skin. She drew in a sharp breath at his touch. She had always avoided physical contact with him for this very reason.

"Why now?" She lowered her head shaking it.

"Quincy you better go." He put his hand under her chin and tilted it up to face him. The look in her eyes stunned him for a moment. He hadn't seen it since she was 16, right before she had left for her first tour. It was the night he had chosen Sadie. He had convinced himself back then, that it was just a teenage crush. But her eyes had said much more that night.

She tried to turn her face away, but he held her chin in his fingers. He leaned forward, his mouth a scant centimeter from hers. "Don't." She whispered, feeling his breath on her lips. If he touched her, really touched her, all the pretending she had done these last 6 years would be for nothing. He let go of her chin, but she couldn't seem to move away. When she finally tried to back up it was too late. He had the back of her head cradled in his hand as he pulled her into him. His mouth came down on hers, in hunger that had been suppressed for too long. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her into the bedroom.

He dropped her onto the bed and slid between her legs. Their lips and tongues danced with an almost angry passion. She had a grip on the edge of his t-shirt and he helped her pull it over his head. She reached for her own tank top and her breasts were bare to him. He lowered his mouth to her nipples, sending shots of pleasure through her body. He pulled her shorts and panties down her slim hips throwing them onto the floor. His jeans and boxers soon followed the pile on the floor.

He was usually a very generous lover, but she was too much. Once he placed his fingers against her heat, knowing how wet she was for him drove him over the edge of sanity. He shifted her hips on the bed and placed her legs around his waist. She pulled his head down to hers and as their lips collided he enter her with a single thrust. She was tight, warm and wet and he could feel a primal instinct he had never known take over. He claimed her with every thrust, every touch, every bite and kiss. She was his, had always been his. As he felt the ripples of her muscles, his own pleasure started to rise and he couldn't stop as he felt her orgasm push him over too. He collapsed on top of her unable to move. He finally rolled off of her, their hips still touching. They were silent as the world came back into focus. He looked over at her devastated, the sweat starting to cool on their naked bodies. Their eyes met and he could tell she had knew exactly what he was feeling.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"You knew Tommy. Deep down you always knew." He bent his head, ashamed that he could have denied something so real. They belonged to each other.

"Yeah..." He reached for her, but she rolled away and stood up. She reached for her robe and belted it around her slim frame.

"You need to go."

"Jude...No..."

"I swore I would never do this to Sadie. She doesn't deserve it." He flinched at the mention of his wife.

"Jude I lo..." She held up her hand.

"Don't say it. It doesn't mean much coming from you." She lied.

"How can you say that?" He thought he could actually _see_ her defenses rebuilding.

"It's nothing...Just...go. It's late. Sadie's probably worried about you."


	3. Chapter 3

**Part Three**

Jude had never been so glad to do promotions for her sixth album. Normally she hated all the media attention, but now it kept her away from Tommy. With her tour finished the month before, this would be the last set of interviews she would be required to do. She had only seen him once, in the last 3 weeks. Sadie had insisted on having her over for dinner one night, saying she never fed herself properly. She immediately left after dinner, saying she was meeting someone for drinks, but the truth was she had packing to do.

* * *

"What's wrong Sadie. You look like someone just died." Her husband had just come down from his shower, towel drying his hair.

"It's Jude..." He tensed, fear gripping his heart. She picked up the letter, her sister had left in their mailbox, off their kitchen counter. "She left."

"What do you mean she left?"

"She said she needed a fresh start."

"Why?" She shrugged helplessly, not knowing.

"You know Jude. She can be kind of impulsive."

He looked at her in shock, pain enveloped him. She was gone.

"Tom what's wrong?"

"Where did she go Sadie?"

"She didn't say. She just asked us not to look for her. She did keep her apartment though. That means she'll be back right?" Sadie asked hopefully.

"I gotta go to work. " He said quickly rushing back up the stairs to get dressed.

It was all a lie he kept telling himself as he raced to G-Major. She would be in the studio working on one of her songs. A pen would be in her hand, pick in her mouth, guitar in her lap as she tried to work through some melody. She would sing to herself, as she wrote down lyrics. Her messy blond hair would fall into her face and she would push it back impatiently.

She was not there.

He walked into Darius's office without knocking. The other man was busy on the phone and simply glared at him while he finished the call.

"What do you want?"

"Do you know where Jude is?" Darius looked at him with surprise reflected in his dark eyes.

"How would I know that?"

"She's your artist!"

"Tom she doesn't work for us anymore. Didn't she tell you? She never signed the new contract." Tommy spun to leave, fear gripped him. Sadie had been wrong, she _had_ been planning this.

When he entered his office he saw the plain white envelope sitting on his desk with his name written on it in her familiar scrawl. He sat down heavily and picked it up almost afraid to read her words.

_Tommy,_

_I'm sure by the time you read this you'll know I'm gone. I know exactly what you would ask me right now. How can I give up my first love and just leave music behind. The moment I met you, you became more important than music to me. I made music for you all these years Tom Dutois. That's why it was so easy to leave it behind. I gave you up the minute I knew Sadie loved you, but you wouldn't let me go would you? You once said I was your best friend. That was never true. We were much more than that. Do you see that now? You asked me that night how we had managed not to sleep together all this time. I've always known you would realize everything the moment we made love, so I stayed away as much as I could. I am your soulmate. I know you better than anyone else ever will. But you are too broken to want everything from me. I know it would destroy you, so I'm letting you go. I hope someday you can forgive yourself for the things you think you've done wrong. Face your demons. Maybe then you can be happy with my sister. You are a good person and you deserve to be happy. Don't ever forget that and don't worry about me. I'll be fine._

_Jude_

_P.S. Thank you for the music_


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4**

Sadie woke from her troubled sleep at the sound of the front door banging shut. She rushed down the stairs, hoping Tommy had finally come home. She hadn't heard a word from him since he had rushed out this morning after hearing about Jude. She had been calling him for hours, but it had always gone to voicemail. It wasn't the first time he had stayed out late without a word to her, but she still worried. There he was collapsed on the couch. She could smell the liquor fumes, even before she made it to his side. She touched his arm and he opened his bloodshot eyes to stare at her.

"Tommy come to bed."

"She never told me Sadie." There was pain laced in his drunken slur.

"Told you what?"

"That I loved her." This made no sense to Sadie.

"She's everything. How could she leave me?" Sadie froze at his heartbreaking words.

"Who Tom?"

"My girl." He mumbled as he passed out again. He had only ever called one person 'girl'.

* * *

_2 Weeks Later_

Tommy unlocked the door with the key he had taken from Sadie's purse and walked in. He was immediately hit with memories of the last time he had been here. He had pushed and pushed until, she had given in to him. He had driven her away. He knew it in his gut. He closed the door behind him, taking in the room. He hadn't been here often, Jude had rarely invited him, and then only with Sadie. A large picture frame hanging on the wall caught his eye. It had a collage of pictures and he went closer to see what they were of. There were various pictures of Jamie, her dad, Sadie, SME and only one of him and Jude. It was the night of her 21st birthday party. He had leaned over to give her a friendly kiss of congratulations on the lips, but she had turned her head at the last minute and he had gotten her cheek instead. He had thought it strange at the time, but now understood it. He remembered so many times she had avoided touching him now that he thought back.

He looked at the room once more. She hadn't taken any of her furniture with her and there still seemed to be a lot of little things left behind. It was like she would come home any second, but he had finally accepted that she wouldn't be back anytime soon. He walked into her bedroom memories of their night together assailed him. They had been perfect together. The connection they had always shared, became that much stronger after every touch. He sat down on the bed, missing her so much. He put his head on her pillow, smelling her scent on it. Jude had always been there for him. He remembered the day of his mother's funeral 2 years ago. Sadie had been on one side of him and Jude on the other. They had both held his hand and it had been alright. He had made it through the day. How could she be gone now. She had always been there for him on this day. The day Angie had died. Tears came to his eyes at thoughts of the only two women he had ever loved. He had driven both of them away. He had to find her. He was starting to feel lost.

_9 Weeks Later _

Jude came into the house, a smile on her face. She had just come back from the OB/GYN and seen her baby in the ultrasound. It had made it all more real somehow. Words and a melody started to form in her mind and she was finally inspired to pick up her guitar again. That had not happened since she had left Toronto. After she was done with her new song, she picked up the phone. She needed to hear a familiar voice, even if she couldn't tell anyone the truth. It was time to contact her old life.

"Hello."

"Hi Sadie."

"Jude! Are you okay? Where are you?"

"Calm down Sades. I'm fine. I just wanted to call and tell you I missed you."

"Jude you need to come home. There some stuff D still needs you to sign from G-Major." Sadie lied. She looked over at her husband, who had passed out in another drunken stupor. He was killing himself slowly.

"I..I'm not sure if I can fly."

"What?! Are you sick?"

"No. Never mind, forget I said anything, just let me check on flights."

"Give me your address, there's some mail that's still been going to your apartment." Jude did reluctantly, not knowing how to say no to her sister.

"Sades don't tell anyone where I am yet okay? I just need some time alone right now." The only person she really meant was Tommy, but obviously couldn't say that.

"Okay Jude. Take care of yourself."

"I will. I'll call about the flights." Jude knew she wouldn't.

"I'll talk to you soon."

* * *

When Tommy opened his eyes, mouth dry, head pounding, the only thought in his mind, like always, was of her. He felt the mattress dip and looked up to see his wife.

"Jude called." Adrenaline pumped into his veins as his hangover was forgotten. He sat up quickly.

"Where is she?" This was the first sign of life she had seen from him in what seemed like weeks.

"I'll tell you if you answer my questions." He nodded, nails driving through his skull. "How long have you two been involved?" _Always, never_ both would have been true.

"We haven't Sadie, not like you're thinking."

"Then what happened between you two?" All the memories of Jude through the years started to flash through his mind.

"I don't know where to start Sadie."

"From the beginning." He started with the day at the pier, when he had barely known the girl and had felt an almost instant connection. When he finished Sadie was crying. The memories he had of Jude were like one of those collection's of love letters bound into a book. He reached for her, but she flinched away. She got up and handed him the slip of paper that Jude's address was written on. "I'm going to stay at a friend's. Don't be here when I get back."

"I'm sorry Sadie." Sadie walked out not answering, leaving him to stare at her retreating figure. He looked down at the paper clutched in his hand and felt a spark of hope.


	5. Chapter 5

_This is still one of my favorite chapters. Hope you like it too. Please review!_

**Part 5**

Jude was watching some stupid reality show when she heard a knock at the door. She got up in puzzlement, because this was the first time anyone had come by. The town was small and the house was kind of isolated so she hadn't really gotten to know anyone since she'd been here. It was only because they had passed by here on one of her tours, that she knew about this area at all. She went to open it and saw a familiar face staring at her.

"No..." She said in panic as she tried to close it. He blocked it with his hand keeping her from shutting it in his face. Were those tears causing the wetness on his unshaven face? It was the first time she had ever seen him this unkempt, his eyes bloodshot and his hair going different directions. He looked like he hadn't slept in a week. He reached for her, holding her to him as if she would disappear at any second.. His desperation made her heart ache. Why had her sister sent her husband here? And why did he look so broken?

She pulled away and took his hands, leading him to the bedroom. He looked like he was about to collapse at anytime. He took her with him when she tried to get him into bed. He put his head on her chest, holding her tightly as if he couldn't let her go. She loved him, how could she not want to comfort him when he was hurting? So she held him as his tears finally dried and he drifted into sleep. She held him for a little while longer, indulging herself in his closeness, but knowing she would have to call her sister. She untangled herself from his arms relatively easily, his sleep was so deep.

* * *

"Hello."

"Sadie it's Jude. Tommy's here. Why did you tell him where I was?"

"He had to see you."

"Why? I told you I'd check on the flights and..." Sadie interrupted her.

"Jude... Something broke in him. When you left he was convinced you would come back or at least call. Then 2 weeks went by and he started looking for you. When no one knew where you were he just lost it. He started drinking and showing up to work late or not at all. Darius suspended him."

"No Sadie. It can't be because of me. He's always had issues with his past. The anniversary of Angie's death was coming up, maybe..."

"That definitely didn't help. Your not being there for that."

"What? He was always okay as long as he lost himself in work."

"Jude. Work with **you, **every year. Didn't you notice he never got scheduled with anyone else that day or that he would keep you in the studio all night? You know, he's never talked to me about Angie. Everything I know is from when Hunter held me hostage or the rumors at G-Major."

"He didn't want to worry you."

"Jude stop. He told me everything." It took Jude a minute to take in those words.

"Sadie I'm so sorry. I tried to get him to leave that night. I swear I never meant anything to happen."

"It's not just you and Tommy... You're my sister and you knew he didn't love me. How could you let me marry him knowing that?"

"He does Sadie. I know he does."

"Stop trying to fix things Jude. You had no right to decide for all of us. He isn't some toy you can pass back and forth."

"Sadie he picked you."

"But you're the one pregnant with his baby aren't you?"

"How did you...?"

"I didn't. I had a suspicion when you mentioned not knowing if you could fly and with you leaving so suddenly." Sadie sounded so tired. "Tell Tommy I started the divorce proceedings."

"What?! Sadie he needs you."

"Dammit Jude I can't be the one to fix things this time. You broke him, you fix him."

"Didn't you just finish telling me he wasn't a toy?" Jude heard the small chuckle over the line. Maybe things would be alright, eventually."Sadie?"

"Yes Jude?"

"Are we going to be okay?"

"Someday..." Sadie paused before continuing. "Look Jude just make sure he's okay. I really can't talk about this anymore. I'll call you when I'm ready."

"I love you Sades."

"I love you too." She hung up, leaving Jude with tears running down her cheeks. She hadn't realized what she had done until now. She had sacrificed her sister for Tommy's happiness.

* * *

He woke up, feeling better than he had in months. It was the first time nightmares hadn't invaded his dreams, as soon as he closed his eyes. He looked at the unfamiliar room and immediately wondered where she was. He got up and found the connecting door to the bathroom. He splashed water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like shit, probably had since she had left. He hadn't really cared until now. He looked through her medicine cabinet for a razor and shaving cream , then proceeded to shave the heavy growth of stubble off his face. When he was done, he went to look for her.

He watched her for a moment, the only thing that mattered to him and the one person he had taken for granted. She was in the living room, sitting on the couch with her guitar in her hands playing a tune he had never heard before. There was a journal he rarely saw, that he had given her after they had completed her second album, sitting on the coffee table.

"Are there words yet?" She looked up in surprise and nodded her head. He sat down on the matching chair.

"Can I hear them?" She began to play, just to cover the fact that she didn't know what to say to him.

_I'm sitting here waiting for a new feeling_

_butterflies in my stomach_

_strange urges taking over_

_It's been so many days and_

_I can't wait, can't wait_

_to finally meet you_

_cuz you'll be the one I love_

There was a sharp pain in his heart, as he realized she was ready to move on, really ready to give him up and look for someone else to be in her life. He closed his eyes trying to hold it together as she kept singing. His bruised heart still listened for some sign that she wasn't throwing him away.

_more than life more then anything_

_I can't wait for your first kiss_

_or your first hello_

_I can't wait to show you my world_

_Can't wait to teach you all about me_

_Can't wait to hold you in my arms_

_and sleep with you by my side_

_hear your heartbeat in the night_

She stopped abruptly, realizing that she couldn't let him hear the rest of the song. He opened his eyes to stare at her.

"Uh... That's all I've got so far." She avoided his gaze. He knew she was lying and reached for the journal on the coffee table before she could stop him. He flipped to the last entry scanning through her messy writing quickly.

_I can't wait to see if you've got your father's eyes_

_Baby...you'll be everything to me_

_and I'll wait to meet you, love you, hold you tight_

_take your time my angel_

_cuz I'll always wait for you_

His blue eyes looked up suddenly looking at her more closely, noticing all the slight changes. Tears slid down his face again, so she put down the guitar went to him. He collapsed onto his knees and just held her, face buried against her stomach. She gently ran her hand through his hair. He pulled her down with him, as sobs racked his body. She was the only person who had ever loved him unconditionally, but even she had left him. He didn't deserve her love, but how could he ever walk away when she would need him so much in these coming months.

When he had calmed down, he put his head in her lap and she touched his face gently. They stayed in that moment for a longtime, each of them taking comfort in the other's company. It had always been like this for them, even when they had fought there had always been a sense of belonging, of calm underneath it all. It was like the old cliche about the_ quality_ of the silence you had with another person being important. He lifted her sweatshirt and pressed his lips to the barely there swell of her belly. Then he sat up and captured her lips with the gentlest of kisses, his hand spanning her stomach, her hand on top of his. For this one moment there were no worries about the future or regrets about the past. They were where they should always have been, perfect together.


	6. Chapter 6

**Part 6**

He woke up that night to get a glass of water and noticed the journal again. It was strange he realized that she had never filled this one. She had had it for 5 years, but this one he rarely saw her with. He sat down in the chair and picked it up. He started to look through it starting on the first page. These were songs he had never heard, songs only she knew existed. The ones in the beginning sounded more innocent and naive, but as she got older the songs changed. They all had a similar theme, but the voice in them had matured with time. _There_ was the passion that had been missing since her second album.

His eyes filled again as he realized how much she had had to hold back all these years. All because he was a blind fool. Because he had made the wrong choice. Pain, heartache, unrequited love, loneliness. They were all about him. Every word, every note. He had refused to see, maybe he had never been ready to. She was right, that happiness scared him. But losing her had scared him more than anything. Her leaving had been a wake up call. The life he had been living was no life at all. It was going with the flow, it was surviving, but it was like being a manic depressive on prescription drugs. No lows, but also no highs. The only thing he had lived for was time in the studio with her and when she had left, leaving him with that one secret, he had had nothing to hold onto. She had been his anchor. But what was he to her now? What could he possibly give her? He needed her, but did she need him?

"I wasn't waiting around for you to realize you made the wrong choice you know? I never planned on you knowing." He turned at the sound of her voice. Her body was silhouetted in the hallway light as she stood in the doorway, arms folded. He didn't know what to say. "Why come after me now Tom?" _I was in front of you all along._ She hadn't realized until that moment how angry she was with him. All the sacrifices she had made for him and he hadn't even known what he wanted. She was a fool. She had become one of those women, weak because of a man. A man who had chosen someone else. She had betrayed her sister for him. She sighed, when he remained silent. Wasn't that, what all these years had been about? Words unspoken, better left unsaid?

"Jude..I.."

"Save it. What could you possibly say to make this alright? Speak of love? Your love hasn't done a damn thing, but haunt me for years." She wiped at the angry tears that had invaded her eyes, unwanted, like her. "I can't save you." She shook her head. "If it weren't for this baby I wouldn't even save myself." Her words hit a chord of terror in him. She was the fighter, the one who stuck it out. He was the one who gave up, who ran away. "I think in the morning, you should go." He shook his head, trying not to believe she had said those words. "There's nothing for you here." She walked back into the bedroom then, locking the door behind her.

Sunlight had just started to peek through her window when she was woken from her troubled sleep by the shutting of the front door. She finally allowed herself the tears, that she refused last night. She felt herself drowning in them, nothing to hold her in place. She was still that same stupid girl, who had wanted what she couldn't have and it hurt just as much now as when he'd taken back their first real kiss or when he'd gone after her sister when she'd told him to choose.


	7. Chapter 7

_The song in this is The Reason by Hoobastank_

**Part 7**

Jude finally crept out of her bedroom, secretly wishing he was still there. She walked over to the couch and saw her journal flipped open with a pen holding the pages in place on the coffee table. The familiar handwriting put a small ache in her chest.

_I'm not a perfect person_

_There's many things I wish I didn't do_

_But I continue learning_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I say before I have to go_

_That I just want you to know_

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

_I'm sorry that I hurt you_

_It's something that I must live with every day_

_And all the pain I put you through_

_I wish that I could take it all away_

_And be the one who catches all your tears_

_That's why I need you to hear_

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

_And the reason is you_

_And the reason is you_

_And the reason is you_

_I'm not a perfect person_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know_

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

_I've found a reason to show_

_A side of me you didn't know_

_A reason for all that I do_

_And the reason is you_

She collapsed onto the couch, holding the journal to her chest. Sobs threatening to break free, as she tried to take deep breaths to calm herself. Tears slid down her cheeks again, burning her already raw eyes. She had never really wanted to let him go, not deep down. But she had trained herself for years to not hold on to him. She didn't know how to change.

She heard the key in the front lock and jerked her head up quickly. It was him, staring at her worriedly, paper bags in his arms. She stood up, her mouth gaped open in shock. They couldn't look away and couldn't seem to speak either. He finally moved towards the kitchen to put the bags down. He walked back into the living room, careful not to stand too close.

"I uh saw your cupboards and fridge were pretty empty...Of anything healthy anyway. I thought with the baby you should eat a little better. I mean...not that I'm telling you what to eat." He babbled. She blinked at him, still not believing he was there.

"Tommy?" He stopped talking, looking nervous. "I thought you left..." He shook his head, still unsure of how she was going to react to his presence here, since she had told him to leave last night. He noticed the journal she still had clasped against her chest.

"What do you think?" He nodded towards her hands. Her opinion mattered to him more than anyone's and the song was written for her. She looked down, realizing what he meant.

"It's beautiful." She said honestly.

"It's all true you know?" He took a step closer to her. "Every word." He could see the confusion and fear in her eyes. "I'm sorry Jude. I know nothing I say is going to mean much to you...But I really never meant to hurt you."

"I know that. How could you mean to hurt me when you didn't see me?" She said sardonically.

"But you saw me." She nodded. "I knew that. I just didn't realize how important that was, until you left." She shrugged helplessly.

"Tommy what do you want from me?" She said a little desperately, sitting down, dropping the journal down beside her. He took a chance and moved closer, sitting on the other end of the couch. She didn't flinch away, which he took to be a good sign.

"All I want is for you to give me a chance to take care of you." She closed her eyes. Isn't that what she had always wanted? Even wishes from the heart die, slowly with time, when unfed.

"I...I don't know." She was understandably afraid.

"I promise I won't ask anything of you. Just let me stay for now? If you really don't like having me here I'll leave as soon as you say the word." She opened her eyes to catch his gaze. He looked afraid. She frowned. This wasn't the kind of power she wanted. She didn't want to hurt him, but she didn't want to hurt anymore either. She bit her lower lip, her mind and her heart were as always at war over Tom Quincy.

"You can stay...For now..." She finally said.


	8. Chapter 8

**Part 8**

Tommy watched her sing to herself as she rinsed a dish in the sink, admiring the dark hair cascading off her shoulders. He thought he had loved her as a blond, but the rich dark brown she had now, made his knees weak. The color contrasted well with her blue-gray eyes and he caught himself getting lost in them more than once.

A few days after she had agreed to let him stay, he had convinced her to go to the nearest mall. He had needed to buy some clothes and other things because he hadn't brought much with him. Of course she had been recognized and they had fled before he had finished shopping. Afraid that there would be reported Jude Harrison sightings in the area, she had dyed her golden locks. She had spent so long in isolation, she had almost forgotten that facet of her other life. When she had walked out of the bathroom that night, hair blow-dried, he had been floored. It was like her 16th birthday all over again. He could only stare, wondering again how he could have been stupid enough to forget that he had already fallen for her way back then.

They spent the next few weeks just hanging out. They had always been friends and that was what they fell back into. They took day trips to nearby attractions. Summer festivals were starting up and they caught a few up and coming bands. True to his word he tried to take care of her. He had taken over the cooking, since she was a disaster in the kitchen and relied on cereal and Pop Tarts way too much. He slept in the spare bedroom, soon to be nursery, and tried not to pressure her into anything even though he wanted her now, more than ever. She was beautiful to him and pregnancy really did make her glow. He wished he could hold her in his arms at night, but she seemed skittish when he touched her.

Tommy jerked upright at a small scream piercing the night air. He immediately rushed to her room to see her sitting up in bed.

"Jude are you alright?" She nodded, looking a little shaken.

"Just a bad dream." He sat down beside her and gathered her into his arms, glad she had not protested. She clung to him like a little girl, making him feel so protective of her.

"Do you have them a lot?"

"Once in a while. You ever have dreams that you don't really remember, but they leave feelings behind?" He nodded, stroking her back.

"Can you go back to sleep?" He finally asked, even though he loved holding her like this.

"I'm not sure." She said hating the feelings of fear and loss her dream had provoked.

"Try." He leaned back into the pillows with her still in his arms. She rested her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, her arm slung low over his stomach. She felt comforted by his presence and soon relaxed. When he heard her breathing slow he smiled and finally let himself drift off too.

Jude woke up to the unfamiliar feeling of a man pressed up against the back of her, arm wrapped possessively over her middle. His arousal poked against her, making her want to giggle. She turned her head slightly and looked at his beautiful face, light stubble covered his cheeks. She knew she should be wary of how good this felt, but she just couldn't bring herself to pull away from him. She closed her eyes and soon fell asleep again with a small smile on her lips.

Tommy opened his eyes to see her curled in his arms. He felt whole for the first time in a longtime. His palm was pressed against the bare skin of her soft belly where her shirt had ridden up. He wanted nothing more than to wake her up with gentle caresses and soft kisses across her skin, but he knew he wouldn't do it. It could ruin all the trust he had tried to rebuild with her, if he seduced her now. He knew he had to get out of the bed before she woke up and felt his arousal poking against her. He leaned over and placed a soft kiss against her neck and slowly slid out of bed, careful not to wake her. He headed for the other bathroom, knowing he would need the cold shower.

That night they watched one of the many movies they had rented. She had curled against him, to reach the bowl of popcorn he held. At least that's the reason she gave herself for sitting so close to him. When the movie was over, she stood up and yawned. She still wasn't used to how easily she got tired these days.

"I'm going to bed." She stated. He simply nodded, wanting to go with her, but unwilling to push the issue. She walked over to the hallway before asking. "Are you coming?" He quickly put the bowl of popcorn down and followed her into her bedroom. They both got into bed a little nervously, but soon she was cuddled against his chest and his arm was wrapped around her. Like the night before he waited for her to fall asleep first before letting himself follow.


	9. Chapter 9

**Part 9**

Jude stabbed her spoon into the bowl, sloshing milk as the cereal moved towards her parted lips. He looked at her in incomprehension, wondering why she seemed so moody today, for the past few days in fact. He wondered if he had done something wrong to make her act this way, but couldn't recall anything out of the ordinary. And the looks she would give him, when she thought he wasn't looking were enough to melt ice.

"Jude is something wrong?" She looked up at him.

"No..." She responded with a tone that implied he was a moron. He tried again.

"Are you nervous about the doctor's appointment?" She was scheduled for a routine exam as she was entering her 17th week of pregnancy.

"Of course not." She peeked at him from beneath her lashes, trying to do it so he wouldn't notice. He got out of his chair having given up on this non-conversation. He turned to load his bowl in the dishwasher and she could only stare at his tight jeans molded to his perfect butt. She shook herself trying to stop the thoughts that had been plaguing her for days now. He would talk and she wouldn't hear a word he was saying, her eyes too intent on that full mouth and her thoughts on what she wanted that mouth to do to her. She knew she was being awful to him, snapping at him, when he tried to speak to her. But she couldn't concentrate on much of anything right now except the thought of his hard abs pressing down on top of her. She had to stop! They did not have that kind of relationship, they were friends again. She had always wanted Tommy Quincy, but now she was obsessed. His voice made her want to squeeze her thighs together, his strong arms made her want to...

"Jude?" She looked up at him in surprise, realizing he had been speaking to her and she hadn't heard a word of it.

"What?" She asked weakly. He gave her a funny look, but didn't comment again on her strange behavior.

"I said you should probably get dressed. We need to get going soon." She nodded, and stood up quickly, hurrying into the bedroom.

* * *

"Wow that's him." Tommy said in awe as they looked at the screen with the squiggle on it.

"Hey it could be a her." Jude said teasing him. He gave her a such a big smile that she couldn't help, but smile back. Their eyes locked sharing in the amazement of their baby growing inside her.

"A rock goddess in the making."

"As long as he isn't a boy bander shaking his ass."

"Hey!" She laughed at his outrage. He grinned at her.

"You can get dressed now Jude." Jude's doctor Sarah said smiling at her, not really wanting to interrupt the couple. Tommy reluctantly left the room, wanting to enjoy their shared moment forever. "You can come into my office when you're done." Jude nodded.

"So how have you been feeling?"

"I've been having weird cravings and..."

"Cravings are normal what else?"

"Sarah I really want to jump him." They had already explained to her that they weren't together, but that Tommy was the baby's father.

"Didn't you want to do that before?" She said glancing at Jude's belly. Jude's cheek turned a pretty shade of pink." If _I_ were a few years younger...Oh who am I kidding even now." They both laughed. Sarah Turner was a warm, funny brunette in her mid 40's. As soon as Jude had met her they had struck up an instant rapport.

"Yes, but now it's practically all I can think about. What's wrong with me?" Sarah chuckled at her young patient.

"Jude it's perfectly normal. Your body is going through a lot of changes. Your hormones are basically on overdrive right now. Hey he's there for you ready and willing..."

"But look at me. I'm fat! He's used to skinny models. He doesn't want me now."

"Jude you're pregnant and beautiful. He thinks so too. The way he looks at you..."

"You think?"

"Yes stop worrying. Men are easy." Jude giggled at the accuracy of that statement. Tommy Q had definitely been easy once upon a time.

"It won't hurt the baby if we...?" Jude asked anxiously.

"Perfectly safe, just no trapeze acts." Jude laughed.

"Thanks Sarah."

"If you have anymore questions feel free to call." Jude nodded and smiled at her before getting up to go.

* * *

As they were driving home, Tommy looked over at Jude who was lost in her own thoughts.

"So did Sarah say anything else?" She looked over at him a little startled at his voice.

"Um...no...Everything's good." She felt the heat rise to her cheeks at their conversation. She threw him surreptitious glances, noticing his mouth and his beautiful profile.

"Jude that was amazing. Thank you for letting me come with you." She smiled at him and took his hand.

"I'm glad you were there."

* * *

That night as they were eating dinner, Jude finally decided she was going to go for it. She looked at him so intently, he finally looked up, catching her eyes.

"What?" He asked confused.

"Will you have sex with me?" She blurted. His fork clanged onto the plate and he stared at her in stunned silence thinking he had heard wrong. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...I just...All these hormones are making me so...I know you probably don't want to... I mean I'm starting to look like a whale..." He stood up and leaned over pulling her head towards his, lips crashing down onto hers, effectively shutting up her ramblings. He let go long enough to go around the table and pick her up, fusing his lips to hers once more. Her arms wrapped around his neck as their tongues met and retreated. He walked with her in his arms, to the bedroom, laying her gently on the comforter. He undressed her slowly taking in the changes to her body. Jude blushed as he stared at her now lusher form.

"Turn off the light." She begged.

"You're beautiful." He breathed, his eyes filled with heat. He bent over her and started kissing every inch of her skin he could reach. He paid special attention to her now overly sensitive nipples, making her whimper in pleasure. His hands stroked along her hips, then towards her inner thighs, brushing against her heat. His tongue trailed down her belly then lower. He positioned himself between her and took her legs placing them on his shoulders. His mouth was suddenly on her most sensitive flesh, tongue swirling. He sucked and stroked making her cry out.

'Tommy...I need ..." She moaned. Her fingers dug into the sheets, as his wicked mouth ate her up. It wasn't enough. She wanted, needed him inside her. He thrust two fingers into her making her scream as her muscles convulsed around him. His tongue never let up as pleasure rolled through her. He gently took her legs off his shoulders and slid back up to her kissing her on the forehead.

"Thank you." she said shyly when she could speak. Her hand moved down to stroke his arousal, but he clamped his hand on her wrist and she looked at him in surprise.

"We don't have to..." He whispered, wanting her so badly, but needing her trust more.

"I want to." She pulled his head down to hers and kissed him with all the pent up frustration she had been feeling. He responded with equal intensity pushing her back among the pillows. He leaned over her careful not to put his weight on her as he slid inside her tight wet heat. She moaned and raised her hips to meet his thrusts, her flesh still ultra sensitive from the last pleasure. She grabbed his ass with her hands, nails digging into him, wanting him deep inside her. He had waited for her for so long and now he couldn't stop the need to push into her faster. Soon she was gasping her pleasure into his mouth, as he pushed them both over the edge with his thrusts. He rolled onto his back and pulled her into his arms. The sheen of sweat clung to both their bodies.

"I love you." He whispered into her hair. When he looked down at her, she was already fast asleep. He thought back to the end of her first tour when she had stayed awake for almost 2 whole days. Now their baby sapped her energy and she took frequent naps. He smiled as he drifted into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

"Hi." He said as her eyes opened to meet his.

"Hi..." She whispered back.

"Are you still...?" She blushed and looked down at his chest.

"All the time."

"How could you ever think I wouldn't want you? I wake up like this every morning." His hard length poked against her hip.

"I figured it was just morning wood." He felt a stab of jealousy, wondering which of her many boyfriends had explained that little bit of man mystery to her.

"No. It's because of you. Only you." He kissed her and was soon pushing into her. They took their time, exploring each other's body's, as the sunlight danced golden across their skin.


	10. Chapter 10

**Part 10**

Tommy leaned down and kissed Jude on the forehead and she looked up quickly giving him a distracted smile, before returning to her journal. He headed towards the kitchen to make some tea, before she called him, as he knew she would as soon as she had put lyrics to her new song. At 27 weeks her belly had started getting in the way of her playing the guitar so she had resorted to using Tommy whenever she needed help. No wonder there never seemed to be really fat guitarists out there. She had not been happy about her expanding belly, interfering with her music, but Tommy had thought it was hilarious, not that he had been stupid enough to comment on it. Except once. There were times in his past he never liked to mention, but that day was the first one in recent memory that he would have done anything to forget. Not that that he ever could, whenever he looked down at his left foot he could still see the small scar she had given him. He had learned early on to never piss off a pregnant Jude on purpose, not that he hadn't done it by accident any number of times.

He heard his cell ring and peeked his head back into the living room to see Jude still lost in her music. He went back into the living room to grab it from his leather jacket. His old one had been retired 3 years ago when Jude had given him a new one for Christmas and it had taken him this long to get it nice and worn like he liked. The number on caller I.D. Was an unfamiliar Toronto number. He hadn't gotten many calls from home in a few months. Usually it was only Kwest who kept in contact, since he had effectively alienated everyone else with his drunken binges, before he had left. Jude looked up with a question in her eyes and he shrugged before answering it. As he heard the voice on the line, he headed towards the bedroom, with Jude staring after him. She frowned as she tried to get back to her song.

He came out of the bedroom a few minutes later with a serious expression on his face.

"Jude." She looked up worry clearly evident on her face. Deep down there was still a small part of her that expected the worst, even though he had been here for her so far. "I need to go back to Toronto for a few days." She nodded, but didn't say anything. He could see the struggle she went through not to ask him why. It was like a fist to his gut that she still felt like she had no right to know everything that concerned him.

"I need to sign the papers for the divorce." He and Sadie had cited adultery as the reason for the divorce, so that it could be processed more quickly than the standard one year no fault procedure.. He had not told Jude this, not knowing how she would react. She bit her lip and nodded, looking down. He put his fingers under her chin and lifted her face up towards his for a gentle kiss. "Hey. I'll be back as soon as I can okay?"

"Okay." She said in a small voice. He wondered sometimes if she still believed he would disappear, but he didn't know how to reassure her except by being there.

* * *

She took him the airport the next day, but did not linger to see him off, as they were afraid she would be recognized. With her now swollen belly that was the last thing they both wanted. She had seemed so distant, it had hurt his heart to look at her. He did not want to leave her, especially now, but the baby wasn't due for a couple of months.

"I'll call as soon as I land." He had grabbed her up in one desperate embrace and kiss before heading into the airport.

* * *

Tommy looked over at his wife of almost 3 years as the final divorce papers were signed. He had never meant to hurt her in this way. She was a smart, beautiful person inside and out and she had loved him. He now knew although he had held affection for her and they had been happy together, he had not been right for her. She deserved something better than what he had offered all these years.

"Do you want to go get a coffee?" He asked hesitantly, not knowing how she felt about him anymore.

"Sure. Why not." She said and picked up her purse, walking out with him following.

They sat in a little coffee shop, almost empty in the late morning. Neither of them had said much so far. Both of them were aware of the irony that two people who had been married could now be so uncomfortable in each other's presence.

"How is Jude?" Sadie had not spoken to her sister, since that night Jude had finally called. She figured if anything important happened Tommy would have contacted her. She had known as soon as she had given Tommy, Jude's address that's where he would have gone. He looked like a totally different man from the one she had seen almost 4 months ago. He looked good, lighter as if the demons that had always haunted him were finally gone. She realized then, that she had not been the right woman for him, although once upon a time that had been all that she wanted. It wasn't that Jude had fixed him, it was more that she had finally given him a reason to change.

"She's great." He told her about Jude's frustration at not being able to play the guitar anymore and they both laughed.

"So when do you plan on getting married?" He looked at her, unable to answer. " Geez Tommy. You live with her, sleep in her bed, and you obviously love her. How could you not ask her? She's having your baby for God's sake!" Her voice rose at the last part, causing the few customers to turn their way.

"Sadie calm down." He quickly scanned the room making sure no one was watching them. " I did try to ask her." He told her how when he had mentioned marriage a couple of months ago Jude had gone ballistic. She had thrown a frying pan at him, luckily she had horrible aim, and then burst into tears and run into the bedroom locking the door behind her. Whenever he had mentioned it since, tears would well up in her eyes and she would look at him like he had killed her dog. Sadie shook her head.

"Tommy I've known you a longtime. You've never been one to let her get away with this. If you want to talk to her, just sit her down and _make_ her listen. You know how stubborn she can be." He hung his head and sighed.

"I can't do that Sadie." Sadie felt like she was in an alternate universe. Here she was trying to figure out how to get her ex-husband married to her sister.

"Why not?"

"When I first went to see her she didn't want me there. She told me to leave...I had to promise her I would go anytime she told me to, before she would let me stay." Sadie was quiet for a few minutes as she tried to figure out her sister. Jude loved Tommy or she would never have let him stay with her. So why wouldn't she marry him?

"I don't get it. She loves you and she knows you love her...Wait..." She frowned as an idea came to her mind. Her ex-husband couldn't be that dense could he? "She does know you love her right?"

"Of course she knows. We wouldn't be in this mess if I didn't love her. Why would I be staying with her in the middle of nowhere?" Sadie sighed wondering how this man could have slept his way through North America, if he was this clueless about women.

"Umm...Maybe because she's having your baby." He was ready to protest, but she held up a hand. "Tommy...When you were with Boyz Attack I know you told girls you loved them just to get them into bed. Why is it, with Jude who you obviously love more than anything, you don't say the words?" He winced at this. He remembered the first few times he'd tried. She had kicked him out of her apartment, then she had tried to kick him out of her house and the last time she had fallen asleep before hearing his words. He was getting conditioned to feel like if he did say the words something would go wrong. He shook his head.

"She knows Sadie..."

"Tommy she's a woman. We need to hear these things. Not that I'm saying that's the only reason she won't marry you." He nodded, wondering how he could constantly screw up with the woman he loved most in this world. They talked a little more about mutual acquaintances and Sadie's new job as a vice president at one of G-major's rival company's.

"Sadie I'm sorry..about everything..." She nodded.

"Just take care of her okay?"

When Tommy got up to leave, Sadie stayed for another cup of coffee. She got her cell phone from her purse and dialed the number Jude had given her months before.

"Hello?"

"Hey little sis."

"Sadie?" Jude said in surprise. "How are you?" Her voice faltered as she realized what today was.

"I'm fine Jude. I just had coffee with Tommy."

"Oh..."

"Jude. He told me you won't talk about marrying him. What's going on?"

"I...I don't want to marry him or anybody. I mean people live together all the time."

"Jude I've known you for 22 years. That is not you. What's the real reason?"

"I can't Sadie...If the press finds out...And it's not fair to you..."

"Jude this isn't about me. This baby is more important than my feelings. And since when do you care about the press? It's time to grow up. You have a man that loves you and a baby on the way. I'm your sister and I know what marriage means to you."

"Sadie I'm sorry..."

"Look I know you're scared. Tommy loves you though. He will be there for you. Don't push him away."

"I...I'm just not used to anyone being there..."

"Oh Jude..." Sadie felt a pang of pain for her sister. Sure she had helped create this mess the three of them were in, but she had done it with the best intentions. "Sometimes... there is no right thing you can do. I forgive you. Forgive yourself. What you and Tommy share is once in a lifetime and I shouldn't have to be the one to tell you that." Sadie said forcefully.

"I want you to be happy Sadie."

"I will be Jude. Did I mention my new job?" Sadie went on to talk about things in Toronto. She didn't believe Jude and Tommy would be content to stay in the country forever. As much as they had hurt her, they would always be tied together by family. Sadie knew that this was not the time to mention it though. Maybe later when Jude had the baby.


	11. Chapter 11

_Here's the next chapter. I hope everyone is enjoying this story. Please review if you have anything to say. Those of you who have been reviewing thank you! _

**Part 11**

They met at the airport, her with a baseball cap, sunglasses and baggy sweatshirt on. He was dressed in his regular clothes, since he did not feel the need to camouflage himself from the press anymore, it had been so many years since Boyz Attack. Tommy still ran into the occasional fan, but it was not as regular an occurrence as it had once been. Jude of course had become famous worldwide after 6 albums and would have had a hard time if they had been in a more populated area. He reached for her immediately, burying his face in her hair, just holding her.

"I missed you girl."

"I missed you too." She admitted and she really had. The house had seemed so empty without him there. Was that pathetic? It had been only 3 days after all. How had she grown so used to having him around? He pulled back and took her hand.

"We should get going before anyone recognizes you." Jude looked down at herself, with a look that said 'seriously?'. Tommy gave a small laugh.

"You're still beautiful you know? I would recognize you no matter what you wore or how many times you dyed your hair."

"Yeah, well not everyone has had the advantage of seeing me naked." He grinned.

"I'm just lucky like that." He kissed her softly and tugged her towards the parking area.

* * *

As they ate dinner that night, he slipped in an 'I love you' to Jude and the world had not stopped. The oven had not exploded, swarms of locusts had not invaded, in fact the only thing that had happened was a soft smile from Jude and an 'I love you too.' back, as she continued eating her Chinese food. He hadn't realized how much he had needed to hear those words from her until she had said them, so obviously Jude had needed them from him also. Sadie had been right, again. He had sometimes found that extremely irritating about Sadie. She was almost too smart.

* * *

_3 Weeks Later_

Tommy's cell phone rang and he picked it up seeing Kwest's number flashing on the screen. He was sitting on the couch, fixing some lyrics Jude and he had written together.

"Hey Tom"

"Kwest man. How's it going?" The lightness of Tommy's voice carried its way over the phone, so unlike 5 months ago.

"Work's been a little hectic, but it's all good. How you doin'?"

"I'm good actually." Tommy sounded...Happy?

"Um..Tommy this isn't a social call." He paused for a moment before continuing, knowing Tommy would not like this news. "D wants you back at G-Major ASAP."

"He suspended me months ago." Tommy said in disbelief as he fell back against the couch cushion.

"Well Sadie's been busy at Origin. She just stole two of our producers. We're short on help."

"No. I can't do it." Tommy said flatly. Someone would have to drag his dead body out of there before he would ever willingly leave Jude.

"Tom this isn't a request. If you don't come back Darius will sue you for breach of contract." Tommy stood up and walked over to the bedroom doorway, staring at her sleeping form.

"Kwest I can't. Tell Darius I have more important obligations."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just tell him Kwest. Thanks for calling." And he hung up on his friend.

Kwest stared at his phone, unable to believe Tommy had hung up on him. Tommy needed to come back to Toronto or Darius would do what he threatened. There was no doubt about that. Kwest dialed information and asked for the number to Origin Records.

* * *

The next day Jude got her own call on her cell. She looked down recognizing it as a Toronto number, but not knowing who it was. Tommy had gone out to do some grocery shopping and she had been reading the morning paper in the kitchen.

"Jude." She heard his familiar voice and smiled. She had missed her friends back home more than she had admitted.

"Kwest?! It's good to hear your voice. How are you?"

"Overworked. Did Tommy tell you about G-Major?" Kwest got right to the point. Jude frowned.

"No he didn't mention anything..." Kwest told her everything, hoping she would be able to convince Tommy to go back to Toronto. Sadie had been convinced Jude was the only one who could influence Tommy. He still wondered why Tommy had been in Vermont so long with Jude. He knew they were good friends, but that didn't really explain Tommy's absolute refusal to go home. "I'll talk to him Kwest. Thanks for telling me."

Jude was not in a good mood, when Tommy walked in the door 20 minutes later with grocery bags in his hands. She glared at him as he set them down on the kitchen table.

"Hey." He said, not noticing Jude's ire yet.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She said in a clipped tone as he looked at her fully.

"Tell you what?"

"Is there more than one thing that you're keeping from me?" She said sarcastically, making him wince. He sat down on one of the kitchen chairs and sighed. Kwest had obviously called again.

"Jude...I didn't think it was important. I'm not going back."

"Excuse me if I got it wrong, but Kwest told me Darius was going to sue you if you didn't go back."

"Let him try." He said nonchalantly, making Jude even angrier. She didn't understand why he didn't seem to care.

"Tommy... Why?" She asked more gently this time, the tone of her voice getting to him.

"I'm not leaving you." He said determinedly. Just like that Jude's anger deflated completely, her eyes softened.

"Tommy..."

"I mean it Jude. I promised I'd be there for you and our baby. I don't care about anything else." Jude frowned. Even if Darius didn't sue Tommy he could ruin his reputation as a producer. Tommy loved producing and if he decided to do his solo album, he couldn't afford to piss Darius off too much. Darius knew too many industry people.

"You're going back Tommy." She said with conviction.

"No! What are you saying Jude? Are you telling me to just leave you?" He said in shock. He had thought they were in a good place now. She took his hand and kissed him reassuringly. She shook her head.

"I'm coming with you." Jude knew it was time to face her fears. She hadn't been a normal person since she had won Instant Star 7 years ago. She could have gotten out anytime, but she had stayed. She was a rock star. That was the life she had chosen. She squeezed his hand. "I think it's time for both of us to go home." He looked into her eyes, to see if she was sure of this decision. Because once they went back, her pregnancy would be in the tabloids in a minute. The stalkarazzi would love Jude pregnant with her sister's husband's lovechild. They would be relentless. "I have one condition though." He waited for her to continue. "I want you to work on your solo album. I don't care if you choose G-Major or Origin or whatever. I just think your music needs to be out there." After Tommy had written that first song for Jude, he had been more inspired than he had since Frozen. Jude had helped him complete another 5 songs. He already had enough for half an album. He nodded his agreement.

"If you get a condition I do to." She looked at him expectantly. "You have to marry me." Tears welled in her eyes as she nodded. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he held her.

"Okay..." She whispered into his ear, the tears falling onto his shoulder now and she wasn't the only one crying.

'I love you." He said against her hair.

"I love you too."

Later on Tommy came to a realization that made him feel like an idiot for not seeing it earlier.

"Jude you can't fly now." She shrugged as if it wasn't a problem, as she continued to pack some clothes.

"We'll drive." Great! A heavily pregnant Jude who had to pee every 5 minutes on a 500 mile road trip. It would take them a week to get to Toronto. Tommy couldn't even drive fast for fear of anything happening to the most important thing in his life. In the end it took them 3 days. They had stayed at 2 Bed and Breakfasts on the way, taking their time. Tommy had not wanted Jude to sit in the car too long. She had never been a good passenger on long trips, not even without a baby pressing on her bladder, making sitting uncomfortable. He had never been so glad to see the city limits in his life.

* * *

Tommy opened the door to Jude's apartment and gave Kwest a man hug. He had called his friend the day before to ask him to meet them there, saying he had news. Kwest noticed immediately the change in Tommy that had only been hinted at on the phone. He looked happy. Whatever Jude had done had definitely changed him from the tormented man he had seen a few months ago.

"Good to see you man. Come in." Tommy opened the door wider and Kwest walked past him towards the living room. Kwest wondered why Tommy seemed so at home in Jude's apartment. Of course Tommy's house with Sadie had been sold.

"Hey babe, have you seen my journal. I can't remember which box I put it in." Jude entered the room, with a box in her arms, scanning the contents. She looked up and saw Kwest, her eyes going wide in delight. He saw her dark hair first and did a double take. She looked good as a brunette.

"Kwest!" She put the box down on the side table and launched herself at him. He gave her a hug, made awkward by her growing stomach. He looked down in disbelief, his mouth gaped open and then at Tommy. Is this why Tommy hadn't wanted to come back to Toronto? Jude saw Kwest's shocked expression and turned to glare at Tommy."All these months and you...didn't...tell...him?!" Tommy cringed and looked exactly like the man in the doghouse he was. She held the guitar pick she wore as a pendant in her hand, twisting it it in agitation and he cringed. Phantom pain, twinged in his foot where the small scar was. Who knew something as innocuous as a guitar pick could be used as a weapon? "When were you planning on telling him? When the baby graduated from high school?!" _Wow, Jude seemed to be even more sarcastic than usual._ Kwest thought.

"Girl calm down. You know it's not good for the baby to get so worked up." Tommy said with a hint of fear in his voice. Jude just glared at him. Kwest sank onto the couch, still overwhelmed by this new information. Was it Tommy's baby? He _had_ been with Jude all these months, but she was definitely farther along than that and there had been no hint of anything going on between them before Jude had left. And she had been on tour before that. They had always been close, but Kwest had seen the boundaries Jude had refused to cross.

"Your kid?" Kwest finally asked Tommy since neither of them seemed inclined to speak, Jude because she was a more than a little hurt that Tommy would hide her pregnancy as if he were ashamed and Tommy because he was afraid of angering Jude any more than he already had. Jude lowered herself next to Kwest and patted him on the leg.

"I'm sorry he didn't warn you Kwest." Jude said softly. "This must be a huge shock." Tommy sat down on the nearby armchair relieved that she had focused her attention away from him.

"Sadie?" Sadie and Kwest had become friends over the years, having Tommy in common.

"Did Tommy tell you about the divorce?" Kwest nodded. His friend had said things didn't work out between him and Sadie, but had not mentioned why. Kwest had been Tommy's best man and Jude Sadie's maid of honor and now this... Jude did not look angry now, just a little sad, her eyes reflecting guilt at the thought of her sister.

"Kwest you always saw it. That connection between Tommy and me. I could tell you knew that I cared more than I let on." She had noticed Kwest looking between her and Tommy occasionally at the studio, a contemplative frown on his face. Kwest nodded. He had noticed the distance she had placed between herself and Tommy when she had come back from that first tour all those years ago. He had thought at the time she had been smart enough to realize that it had just been a teenage crush. She had moved on to dating Jamie, then Spied, then countless others. But the occasional pain in her eyes had never faded, although she had always hid it from Tommy well. And Tommy...He had always been a private person, not really sharing his emotions with anyone. But Jude had always gotten to him, whether in anger or laughter. He had confronted Tommy on Jude's 16th birthday about falling for her, worried because of how young she had been. Obviously the feelings they had both shared back then had never really died, if anything they had grown stronger. Why else would Tommy have gone crazy when Jude had disappeared?

"You must think I'm horrible.." Tommy flinched when she said those words to Kwest.

"Jude...No..." Tommy said shaking his head. "This is all my fault." Kwest felt uncomfortable at the look they gave each other. It was too emotional, too raw. It was private, not something meant to be shared with a bystander. He turned to her and placed his hand on top of hers, patting her comfortingly.

"Jude I don't think you're horrible. I've always admired your strength, especially when I saw how you managed to stay away from Tommy and your ability to stay grounded in this profession." Tommy looked at his old friend in something akin to guilt and self loathing.

"Even you knew." Tommy muttered. It took a minute for Kwest to understand the bitterness in Tommy's tone. Tommy had been willfully blind, not only to Jude's feelings for him, but also his feelings for her.

"Tommy and Jude." He shook his head. "Drama much?" He tried to lighten their moods. Jude poked him in the ribs and Tommy gave a small forced laugh.

"I wouldn't sit too close to Jude while she's got that guitar pick in her hand man." Jude had reached for it again, fingering it absentmindedly. She frowned at Tommy.

"I told you I was sorry..." Kwest eyed them both strangely.

"Did you know you could stab someone with one of those?" Kwest shook his head. "Well neither did I." Tommy sighed.

"You big baby. It was just a surface wound."

"That left a scar!"

"Did you know it's plain stupid to call a pregnant woman fat?" She asked Kwest.

"Yeah I have sisters and it's stupid to call _any_ woman fat." She gave Tommy a smug smile.

"I did not call you fat!"

"You said it was cute how I could barely reach the right chords anymore!" Ooh.. Kwest knew how much Jude loved playing her guitar. He felt just like he was back at the studio stuck between the two of them while they had one of their many blow ups. How could this, them together, really surprise him? He had worked so closely with both of them over the years. It had surprised him more, when Tommy had told him he had planned on proposing to Sadie. Although Tommy had obviously cared about Sadie, it had always seemed to Kwest that Sadie had cared more. He had wondered sometimes, if Sadie had actually seen the real Tommy. In the beginning of their relationship at least, she had seemed so blinded by the Lil' Tommy Q facade. The couple before him looked so happy right now, but what would happen once the press got wind of this?

"So how much longer?" He nodded at Jude's belly.

"5 weeks." Kwest's eyes bulged in shock.

"You really are ready to pop." She hit his arm and he put his other hand to it wincing.

"Did I mention being pregnant gives Jude an even bigger violent streak?" Tommy smirked, glad for once he wasn't the one on the receiving end of Jude's anger.

"So you can really use a guitar pick as a weapon?" Kwest asked turning to Jude, with a grin on his face. They both turned to Tommy, making him jumpy.

"Oh yeah..." Jude said.


	12. Chapter 12

**Part 12**

Tommy went to answer the pounding door, wearing only his boxers, his hair sticking up at weird angles. It was barely 7 in the morning and he and Jude had had a late night. Stuart Harrison stood on the other side, giving him the father death glare that he recognized from when he had first started dating Sadie. Stuart had hoped that maybe Tommy was staying at Jude's merely as a friend, but seeing his state of undress he didn't believe it not that he had really believed it before either.

"Come in Stuart." Tommy said resignedly. Stuart walked into the living room and sat on the couch. He waited as Tommy went to put some clothes on and wake Jude. Stuart had never believed Tommy and his eldest daughter should have dated. He had had to put away his doubts when they proven him wrong and had stayed together for 4 years before getting married. Tommy had always had a bad reputation where women were concerned and he had always sensed something between Tommy and Jude. As a father he had worried about that fire that burned between Jude and Tommy. She had been only 15 and Tommy 7 years her senior when they had met and the connection had been almost instantaneous. He had once thought Tommy had stayed away from Jude to protect her, but it seemed his true colors had finally shown through.

He had broken Sadie's heart and divorced her all in the course of a a few months. Now he was living with Jude and he had a feeling Tommy had been the reason Jude had all but disappeared months ago. He frowned as he tried to figure out a way to make Jude see that Tommy was bad for her. His youngest daughter so headstrong and sure of herself had always had a weak spot where Tommy Quincy was concerned. He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't notice at first that they had come into the room.

He saw his own eyes before anything else. They were scared and guilty as they looked into his. When he took the rest of her in, pure shock raced through his veins.

"Dad? Are you okay?" Jude said worriedly as she walked to her father, sitting down beside him.

"How could you not tell me Jude?" She looked away, down at her clasped hands. She felt Tommy's hand on her shoulder as he stood behind the couch.

"I thought Sadie told you." She said in a small voice. Her father took her hand and she looked up at him, her blue eyes shining with tears.

"Jude come home with me. Monica would love to have a baby around the house. We can take care of you..."

"Dad!" She said in shock at his words.

"Jude think. He moved in on you while married to your sister. He can't be trusted. You of all people should know that." She pulled her hand out of his and moved back, putting her hand up to take Tommy's.

"He has a name Dad!"

"Stuart I..."

"You do _not _get to speak Tom." The older man glared at him. "You cheated on one of my daughters and now you've moved on to the next. Look at her!" He motioned to Jude's belly.

"Like you're one to talk Dad." Jude said angry for Tommy, who wasn't defending himself. Tommy pulled his hand away from hers and she turned to try to catch his eyes. He wouldn't look at her.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"It just means Tommy isn't the only person to make mistakes with the people he's supposed to love Dad." She didn't have to mention his infidelity, for him to understand what she meant.

"Jude..." She shook her head.

"Dad I'm sorry. But if you want to be a part of your grandson's life you are going to have to accept that Tommy is his father." Jude felt tired all of a sudden, the lack of sleep and stress catching up with her.

"I am responsible for my own actions too Dad. Tommy isn't the only one who made mistakes. Blaming him isn't going to change anything..."

"Jude this isn't you...I don't know what it is he does to you, but you have always been blind to his faults." She stood up as quickly as she could then.

"Dad I think you should go."

"You're kicking me out?" Stuart stood up too, looking at his daughter in surprise.

"Just don't...I can't listen to this anymore..." He could see the tension in her face and he nodded. He touched her shoulder and she walked him to the door.

"I'll call you soon okay?" He said, trying to catch her eyes. She shook her head.

"No...Take some time to process this, because I won't listen to you slamming Tommy anymore." Her father nodded and kissed her cheek before leaving.

She shut the door behind him and turned to see Tommy still standing there his face in that cold mask she had not seen in a longtime.

"Babe...I'm sorry about my father." She said as she made her way over to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and put her head against his chest. His tense body, relaxed just the tiniest bit at her touch.

"He's right..." Tommy finally said. Anger blazed in her eyes, as she looked up at him. She took his face in her hands forcing him to look at her.

"You have promised me for the last 4 months that you would be there for me. Are you changing your mind?"

"Jude. No! Never..."

"Then what else matters Tommy? I Love you. I trust you." He nodded and buried his face in her hair. "I'm sorry Jude." He said brokenly.

"Shh..." She moved back, taking his hand to lead him into the bedroom. She kissed him as he lowered her onto the bed. Comfort soon turned to passion and she tugged his shirt over his head. He took her shirt off and proceeded to worship her now larger, sensitive breasts. He took her nipple into his mouth, sucking on it gently, the tugging sensation shooting straight to lower regions in her body. His teeth scraping against the sensitive surface made her hips raise off the bed. He tugged her pajama bottoms off and got rid of his pants quickly.

"I love you Jude." She pressed her lips to his and their mouths opened so their tongues could meet. His fingers, mirrored his tongue as he stroked her lower lips, finding her most sensitive spot. She was already wet, her moist heat pulling his fingers in. She moaned against his mouth as his thumb circled her and his fingers thrust inside her. He got onto his back and pulled her on top. She straddled him and bent to kiss him again as she lowered herself onto his hard length. He put his hands on her hips and pulled her down so he was buried to the hilt.

Her breath was ragged as she started to move against him. He reached up and cupped her breasts squeezing gently, his calloused fingers creating delicious friction against her tender nipples. He moaned her name as she ground up against him, lost in her own pleasure. As the sensations built he grasped her hips and started to surge upward to meet her. His strokes were long and hard against her wet heat. Her muscles started to tighten around his arousal as she let out little whimpers. He reached between their joint bodies and caressed her clit causing her to give a little cry as she started to go. Her body milking his, soon had him pushing faster in and out, until his cry joined her own.

She rolled off of him and onto her back. He leaned over her, linking his fingers with hers as he bent down to taste her lips again. They kissed for a longtime, until he felt her hand loosen on his. He looked down and smiled, watching her as she drifted off. He put his head besides hers on the pillow, his lips against her cheek, his arm wrapped protectively over their child and let himself fall back to sleep too.

It was afternoon when they woke from their nap. They shared a shower as Tommy used a sponge to clean every inch of her. When they were dressed he had an idea. It was a beautiful day outside and he wanted to spend it with her in the sunshine.

"Jude you haven't left this apartment in a week. You need some fresh air." She frowned at him. She knew she had made the choice to return to Toronto, but she didn't know if she'd ever be ready to face the public. She had only gone out when Sadie had insisted on seeing her for lunch. He stroked her hair softly. "Come on baby. We'll just go to the park, maybe have a picnic."

"Chocolate covered strawberries?"

"Anything." He kissed her softly, happy that she hadn't put up a struggle. He had been getting worried about her disinterest in leaving the apartment.

* * *

Tommy had been right, she really had to get out. They sat on a large blanket int the park near her apartment Her face was lifted to the sun she had missed for days. They had picked up some things to nibble on at a nearby deli, including the strawberries she had requested. She was sitting up and he lay beside her with his head on his elbow, his face near her stomach. She wanted to giggle, because he was singing to her belly. Of course being Tommy Q. they were never Disney songs or lullabies.

She thought he had probably sang every one of her songs by now and there had been so many, she couldn't believe he remembered them all. He also sang stuff he had finished for his album or was working on. It actually seemed to clear his head sometimes. She could picture the press asking how he worked through a song and him replying with a "My son helps me of course." She smiled down at him and stroked his neck. Ever since he had read some article about babies being able to hear your voice from the womb, he had taken to singing and sometimes just talking to their unborn child. At moments like this she almost believed that nothing could intrude on this life they had started building together. They never even noticed the lone figure in the distance with his telephoto lens.


	13. Chapter 13

_The song for this next chapter is Arms Wide Open by Creed. I thought it would be fitting because it was written by Scott Stapp for his wife when she told him she was expecting. ENJOY!_

**Part 13**

Jude and Tommy were woken from their sleep by the ringing phone the next morning. He handed it to her after answering it groggily. She listened to the person on the other end for a few minutes and started to frown. Tommy opened his eyes again and saw her reaction, starting to worry.

"Alright let me talk to Tommy about it." Jude said and hung up. She looked into his eyes with a serious expression on her face. "Someone saw us at the park yesterday. We're on the front page of Talk National." He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.

"You knew this would happen eventually." She nodded. He took her hand and brought it to his lips. "We'll be okay." She smiled at him. "Who was that by the way?"

"My publicist. She said Wake Up Toronto wants to have us on as guests."

"Do you want to do that?"

"No... But I think we need to. At least then we can get our version out. Is that okay?"

"Of course. We should probably have your publicist release a statement too."

"I'll call her and figure it out after you go to work." He gathered her into his arms and held her. She put her head against his chest and listened to the steady beat of his heart. They would be okay.

* * *

Jude watched as Tommy walked over to the producer of the show and spoke to him. She wondered what they could be talking about. The producer clapped Tommy on the back and walked off.

"What was that about?" Jude asked as Tommy made his way back to her. He shrugged.

"I told him I wanted to perform a song." Her eyes widened at that. Even though they worked on his music, it was always in private, so no one else had heard any of his new stuff.

"Which one?"

"It's a surprise." He gave her that grin that always made her heart skip a beat.

"Well Jude and Tommy welcome to the show." Melissa Hartman said to them. They sat on the couch next to hers, holding hands.

"Thanks for having us." Jude said.

"So wow..." Melissa gestured at Jude's midsection. "You guys are big news right now."

"Hopefully not for too long." Tommy joked.

"Well everyone is dying to know the real story. I mean Tommy weren't you married to Jude's sister until recently?" Jude squeezed his hand in reassurance.

"Yes Sadie and I separated a while back and our divorce was recently finalized. She is a wonderful person, but I think we both realized we weren't right for one another."

"Was this divorce because of Jude?"

"It was a combination of things. I'll be the first to admit, I've made mistakes in my marriage and in my life. But I don't consider falling in love with Jude to be one of them." He turned to look into her eyes and she gave him a small smile.

"Jude do you have a response to the people out there who have accused you of stealing your sister's husband?" He felt her stiffen, but she answered without reservation.

"Like Tommy I've also made my share of mistakes. I am more sorry than I can say, that I hurt Sadie in any way. That was never my intention. Sometimes things happen that you can't change. We're both just trying to move on and build a life together."

"That's very honest of you. Congratulations on the baby by the way. Are you excited?"

"Excited and terrified." Jude admitted. Melissa nodded.

"Tommy I heard you have a special treat for us today. Tommy Q. is coming out of retirement?" He gave a nervous laugh.

"Jude and I have been working on my solo album. But the song I'm performing is something I've been working on alone. And I really hope she likes it." He looked into her eyes one more time before getting up. He walked over to the stage where a stool and mike had been set up. He reached for the guitar and sat down, adjusting the mike. He nodded when the producer gave him the okay and began to play the opening chords.

_Well I just heard the news today  
It seems my life is going to change  
I closed my eyes, begin to pray  
Then tears of joy stream down my face _

_With arms wide open  
Under the sunlight  
Welcome to this place  
I'll show you everything _

_With arms wide open  
With arms wide open _

_Well I don't know if I'm ready  
To be the man I have to be  
I'll take a breath, I'll take her by my side  
We stand in awe, we've created life _

_With arms wide open  
Under the sunlight  
Welcome to this place  
I'll show you everything _

_With arms wide open  
Now everything has changed  
I'll show you love  
I'll show you everything  
With arms wide open, wide open_

_If I had just one wish  
Only one demand  
I hope he's not like me  
I hope he understands  
That he can take this life  
And hold it by the hand  
And he can greet the world  
With arms wide open_

_With arms wide open  
Under the sunlight  
Welcome to this place  
I'll show you everything _

_  
With arms wide open  
Now everything has changed  
I'll show you love  
I'll show you everything  
With arms wide open With arms wide open_

The camera panned in on Jude with tears running down her cheeks and her hand resting protectively on her belly. With this display of love by Tommy and Jude's honesty it would be hard for the press to castigate them. They were the ideal of a celebrity golden couple, in love, with a baby on the way.

A week later Tommy was at work when Jude heard a knock on the door. She pushed herself up from the couch awkwardly and made her way to the door. She opened it and saw the last person she had ever expected to.

"What are you doing here?" She said a tad coldly.

Sadie was on the phone, when Jude arrived at Origin Records unannounced. Jude had called a taxi and headed to her sister's work as soon as she had been able to. Sadie was the only person who would understand what had just happened and why Jude was so upset. The staff looked at Jude in surprise and curiosity. She was on the front page of every tabloid in Canada after all. No one stopped her as she found her way to Sadie's office.

"Nice office sis." Sadie looked up in surprise.

"Jude? What are you doing here?" Jude sat down in one of the chairs, moving a little to try and ease the small knot of pain in her back. She breathed in slowly, trying to calm herself.

"You'll never guess who decided to come by the apartment today." Jude said, sarcasm heavy in her voice.

"Who? Mother Therese?"

"Well you got the mother part right anyway. _Our _mother..." Sadie looked at her in shock.

"Mom's back from Europe?" Sadie asked in confusion. Victoria would have at least called to tell them she was flying in wouldn't she?

"Apparently Dad called her to ask her to talk some sense into me." Sadie could see Jude's skin start to turn red. "She decided to fly all the way here to tell me what I should do." Jude's voice had a decided bite to it. Jude pushed herself up from the chair and put her hands to the small of her back. She started to pace as her sister watched her, still too stunned to speak. The two sisters had only seen their mother twice since she had run off with Don. Once had been at their grandmother's funeral and then at Sadie's wedding to Tommy. Other than that all the contact they got was a yearly Christmas card and a few postcards. "Where does she get off huh Sadie?! She abandoned us and now she's telling me if I want to be a good mother I should leave Tommy?!" Jude said angrily.

"She didn't..." Sadie said in horror, unable to comprehend how Victoria could have said anything that cruel to Jude.

"Oh shit." Jude said as she looked down at the floor. Sadie's gaze followed her sister's to the puddle forming on her carpet. "Sadie?" Jude said in a small voice.

"Jude breathe. We're going to the hospital now okay?" Jude nodded looking like a scared teenager.

"I need Tommy."

"Is he at work?"

"Uh huh..."

"Sit for minute. I'll call him and have him meet us there okay?" Jude sat back down, probably ruining the expensive matching chair. Sadie reached for the phone and dialed the familiar number.

"I need to talk to Kwest right away. It's an emergency" She said as soon as she heard the receptionist pick up. Jude looked at her in confusion.

"Hold on please." Sadie put her hand over the mouth piece.

"Do you really want Tommy driving?" Jude just pictured Tommy hearing the news and killing himself speeding to get to her. She giggled.

"I guess not."

"Hello."

"Kwest it's Sadie."

"Hey Sadie what's..." Sadie interrupted him.

"Kwest grab Tommy and meet us at the hospital! Jude's in labor and we're leaving Origin right now!"


	14. Chapter 14

_ Here's the next chapter. I just want to say thanks to everyone that has been reviewing and reading. There is only one more chapter after this + epilogue. I had a drama filled idea, but the readers at DLS voted for a happy ending so there may be a sequel. ENJOY!_

**Part 14**

Sadie stood outside of Jude's hospital room as she saw a familiar figure run right by her. She looked on in amusement wondering where he thought he was going, as he realized who he had just passed. He turned around and hurried back towards her.

"Is she okay?" Tommy asked agitatedly.

"Relax she's fine. The obstetrician is checking her out right now." He ran his fingers through his hair.

"She's not due for 3 more weeks...What happened Sadie?" Sadie sighed and started to explain what had happened at the apartment with Victoria and how Jude had been so upset about it. Tommy knew Jude had never forgiven her mother for leaving like she had. Why was it some mothers didn't seem to care what their actions and words did to their own children?

"I think all the anger made her go into labor." Tommy nodded processing everything she had just told him. It wasn't like his own mother had been loving towards him, the opposite actually, but he had always thought Jude's family was better than that.

"What is wrong with Victoria?! And your father?!" Tommy said angrily. Sadie shook her head.

"You're stuck with us now Quincy. You could have run after divorcing me, but you just had to choose another Harrison." Tommy looked at her with a glint of humor in his eyes, a little calmer now.

"Thanks Sadie." She nodded, giving him a small smile.

"Where's Kwest? I thought he would have come in too." Tommy looked chagrined.

"I kinda ran out of the car as soon as we got near the entrance. I think he's still parking." Sadie had to laugh. He didn't mention that he had almost driven Kwest crazy, demanding he go faster every time he slowed for traffic. Kwest found them a few minutes later and Sadie greeted him warmly, while Tommy paced anxiously. He had to see her; he had promised he would be there for her. She had to know she wasn't alone.

The doctor came out and told them Jude was progressing nicely and that he would be back to check on her in a little while. Sadie and Kwest let Tommy barrel in before them, both of them looking amused at the normally unflappable Tom Quincy, acting panicked. He saw her in the bed her hair messy, face sweaty, but to him still beautiful. His shoulders loosened as soon as he saw for himself that she was okay. He noticed the look of fear in her eyes right away and swaggered over to her.

"You'll do anything to get out of marrying me won't you Harrison?" They had planned on having a civil ceremony the following day. Although Tommy had wanted Jude to have the white wedding, she had insisted on keeping things low key. He hadn't had the heart to argue, after all this would be his 3rd marriage and it felt slightly hypocritical to go through the elaborate ceremony again. He just wanted to know Jude belonged to him.

"Oh yeah Quincy. I decided to squeeze a watermelon out of my body just to get out of marrying you."

"You're calling Ringo a piece of fruit?" Kwest and Sadie stared at each other. Ringo?!

"Stop calling our baby Ringo! You are such an ass Quincy!" Jude snarled at Tommy.

"Hey Jude." Kwest said feeling compelled to speak to diffuse the situation, even though he should have known better. Jude looked past Tommy and shook her head at his use of that hated phrase.

"You're lucky I'm stuck in bed Kwest." Tommy took her hand and she closed her fingers around his automatically.

"Why do you think I said it." Jude gave a small laugh. "So did you guys decide on a name yet? I assume Ringo isn't it." Kwest asked the both of them.

"Well if she hadn't dated half of Canada we would have." Jude hit him on the arm.

"You're just lucky the baby wasn't a girl. At least I can_ remember_ the names of all the men I've dated." _Good one Jude_. Kwest thought, but was too smart to say out loud. They continued bickering and Kwest looked over to Sadie who seemed disturbed at their arguing.

"Come on Sadie let's leave em alone...Let me buy you a coffee." He put his arm over her shoulder and she left with him reluctantly.

* * *

Kwest and Sadie settled at a small table with cups in front of them. He could see Sadie seemed a little upset, but let her take her time to tell him what was wrong. Sadie finally took a sip of coffee and began.

"Kwest I thought I was doing the right thing having him go after Jude...But the baby's not even here and they're already fighting..." Kwest looked at her in surprise. _This_ was what she was worried about?

"Have you been working in the same building as them all these years?" Sadie just stared at him.

"The two of them thrive on arguing. It gets them off. It's almost like foreplay for them." Kwest shut his mouth realizing what he had just said and to whom. "I didn't mean they were actually..." Sadie held up her hand, amused at Kwest's discomfort.

"It's alright Kwest...I know." Sadie said letting him off the hook. She took a another sip of coffee, not really thirsty, but needing to keep occupied.

"So I've been meaning to ask you. Why did you leave G-Major? I heard Darius offered you a vice presidency too."

"I..." She looked uncomfortable as his dark eyes took in her reaction.

"Come on Sadie. We're friends. You can tell me. Get it off your chest." She took a deep breath.

"You have to promise me you won't tell Tommy. He would flip out." Even though Tommy and her were no longer together, she knew he would defend her. Kwest nodded and waited for her to continue. "Darius offered me the position when he found out Tommy and I had split up."

"So?" She just looked at him until realization dawned on him. When he found out they had split up. "You mean he...?" She nodded.

"He wanted a few extra services if I took the job."

"That backstabbing bastard! I'll kill him!" Sadie found herself feeling a little better to know someone cared enough to be angry for her. She reached across the table and put her hand on his arm.

"Kwest it's alright. I left...And I love where I am now." Kwest calmed down when he realized Sadie seemed okay with it.

"Is that why you've been stealing all his staff?" Sadie gave a small evil grin in affirmation. "Could you use another producer?"

"Only if he's the best." They smiled at one another.

"Sadie would it be alright if I called you sometime?" Kwest said a little later. He had surprised her, he could tell.

"Kwest..I..." She looked unsure of what to say.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to assume you would want to..."

"No...no Kwest it's not you. I'm just not sure I'm ready to start dating again. And I'm still getting adjusted to Origin." She said apologetically.

"I understand. I shouldn't have said anything. I mean we're friends." He felt bad for bring it up. Of course she wasn't ready and she had only ever viewed him as a friend.

"Kwest I'd like it if you asked me again in a couple of months. If you're still interested then I mean..."

"I will Sadie." He gave her a warm look and they soon settled into a companionable silence.

"I know it would be weird, but are you going to offer Tommy a contract at Origin?" Kwest asked a little later. Tommy's current producer contract would be over in a few more months and he had planned on his comeback.

"I'm not sure... I heard that song he sang for Jude and it was really good." Sadie wasn't sure if she was ready to work with Tommy again, but she wasn't dismissing the idea either.

"And it would piss D. off if you got him."

"That would be an added bonus yes." They both laughed.

"Hey Sadie. I'm here for you if you need anything. As a friend okay?" Kwest said seriously. He had known her a longtime and cared about her, even if all they would ever be were friends.

"Thanks Kwest." Sadie was being honest when she said she didn't know if she was ready to see anyone yet, but it was nice to know someone still wanted her. It was also nice to know there was a shoulder to cry on if she needed one.

* * *

Tommy was leaning his head against Jude's belly, her hand in his as he spoke to their son.

"Hey Ringo. You better come out soon or daddy's gonna have to learn to play piano one handed." Jude squeezed his already sore hand at that crack making him wince. She was stronger than he had realized, he now knew from painful experience. Tommy had started to call their baby Ringo when they had been trying to decide on a name. It seemed like every name he had liked she had said no to because she had dated someone with that name. Who wanted to name their child after someone they had been seeing after all. That was why they had still not come up with something they could both agree on.

Jude had been in labor for 7 hours now and he could tell she was getting tired. Although she had had an epidural it had not erased all the pain and she was understandably scared. All he could do was try to distract her. She was so petite, he didn't know how she could do it, but he hid his own fear well. Sadie sat on one of the chairs and cheered Jude on once it a while. She could see what Tommy was doing when he baited Jude into an argument now. He was trying to take her mind off of the impending birth. So Sadie stayed pretty quiet, knowing that Tommy was taking care of her sister. Kwest had been summoned back to work by Darius 4 hours ago, even though he had wanted to stay, since G-Major was still short-staffed.

"Sadie!" Jude yelled and her sister immediately rushed to her side and took her free hand. "I don't want to do this anymore." She whined.

"Jude sweetie, you can't carry the baby in there forever. It's a bad fashion statement."

"I can too!"

"Jude it's like when you thought you could fly and almost broke your arm jumping out of that tree."

"I was 5!"

"Well you're 22 now. You should know better!"

"Sadie..." Jude's voice sounded afraid now. "What if Mom was right? What if I can't do this?" Sadie brushed Jude's damp bangs out of her eyes. She was still not used to Jude's darker hair color.

"You _can_ do this. It's not like Mom knows everything you know. She abandoned you when you still needed her and I know you would never do that to your child." Jude squeezed both Tommy and Sadie's hands then as a contraction hit, making Sadie cringe in pain. Tommy had grown so used to it, it didn't even phase him.

9 hours, 4 arguments, and one very badly bruised hand later, Tommy wasn't even sure if he could wiggle his fingers, Tommy and Jude's son was born. Jude held him as Tommy stayed glued to their side, kissing her face occasionally. Sadie felt pain in her heart at the picture they made, but couldn't begrudge them this magical moment. Her new nephew had almost white blond hair, that Sadie had a feeling would darken to match his father's, and wide blue eyes. He was perfect and quiet, for the moment anyway. Sadie wondered how long that would last with the genes he had inherited from both of his stubborn and sometimes highly emotional parents.

"So what are you going to call him?" They both looked at Sadie with blank expressions. "How about Lucas?" Tommy turned to Jude to see what she thought.

"You dated a Lucas too?" Tommy asked in frustration.

"Well not exactly...He plays a Lucas on T.V. Though..."

"No...!" Sadie said in surprise. Jude had never mentioned him before. "You dated...?" Jude nodded.

"We met at some film premier. We only went out a couple of times. I think he was still hung up on his co-star." Sadie looked impressed.

"Anymore suggestions Sadie?" Tommy interrupted, not wanting to hear anymore about Jude's past love life. Sadie looked thoughtful for a moment.

"How about Aidan?" Tommy and Jude looked at one another.

"Aidan Thomas Quincy?" Jude said trying it out. "That feels right." She smiled up at Tommy and he leaned down to kiss her softly. Sadie looked away, she still wasn't completely over everything that had happened. She didn't know what she felt for Tommy anymore, but there was still so much history.

"I should get going. I promised to give Kwest a call. I'll be back tomorrow." Sadie bent down and kissed Jude and Aidan's heads. She left the couple and their new baby, lost in their own bubble of happiness.


	15. Chapter 15

_Sorry about the format before. I have a new writing program and it doesn't seem to translate well to this site. Anyway here is the last chapter. ENJOY! and a prologue will be up soon._

**Part 15**

The next morning brought a couple of surprise visitors to Jude's hospital bed. Tommy had gone home a little while ago to shower and change, having not left her side all night. She was still tired, but at least they had given her more pain medication. Damn Quincy made big babies. Even at 3 weeks premature Aidan had weighed in at 7 lbs 5 ounces and Jude wasn't exactly the biggest girl to begin with. She was smiling to herself as she stared out the window, when a familiar voice intruded.

"Dude...I go on a 6 month world tour and you have a baby?!" Her eyes lit up as she saw one of her best friend's in the doorway. Behind him was his beautiful wife Karma, looking uncomfortable. He walked into the room and she reached for him as they shared a hug. Jude gave Karma a small smile which the other woman returned.

"Spied. I haven't heard from you in forever."

"Yeah try being me. I come back into the country last night and have about 500 voice mails including one from Sadie about my best friend in labor when I didn't even know she was pregnant." Jude looked at him helplessly. How could she possibly explain everything that had happened.

"Welcome back Uncle Spied?" She joked weakly.

"Honey I'm going to go get a coffee okay?" Karma called from the doorway, knowing they needed some personal time.

"Alright Sweetie." He turned and smiled at her as she left, closing the door behind her. Karma had definitely mellowed in the few years they had been together. She actually thought of others for a change. Spied looked into Jude's eyes peering intently, searching her eyes for something, eventually making Jude uncomfortable.

"What?!" She finally broke the silence, getting a little impatient.

"It's gone..." He said in amazement as he sat back in the visitors chair.

"What's gone?" She looked at him like he had gone crazy. Spied had always been a little out there, but this was strange even for him.

"That look you always hid behind your eyes. The one that was kinda sad and lonely." Jude just stared at him in surprise. She had thought she had been convincing at hiding her real feelings all along.

"I didn't know you saw that..." She said softly, as tears started fill her eyes. The pregnancy hormones still hadn't worn off yet. He pulled her in for another hug as she cried into his shoulder.

"Vin what the hell did you do to Jude?!" Spied pulled away from Jude in shock as he looked in the doorway to see Tommy standing there. Apparently he must have flown back here after a quick trip to the apartment.

"Relax man. We were just talking and she started crying." Jude gave Tommy a watery smile. His eyes softened as he looked at her. Spied watched their interaction with confusion. Why was Lord Squinty Frown here without Sadie? And why were they looking at each other the way they were?

"It's alright. He didn't say anything bad." Tommy nodded and walked out again. Spied stared at Jude again with a perplexed expression on his face.

"What's going on Dude?" Jude ducked her head in embarrassment.

"Have you seen the baby?" She asked as she looked up at him. He shook his head.

"We came straight here..."

"His name is Aidan." Spied nodded. At least it wasn't something horrible like Vincent.

"Aidan Harrison. Not bad." Jude shook her head and took a deep breath.

"Aidan Thomas Quincy." Her often loudmouthed, rarely speechless friend just stared at her mouth wide open. She could tell he tried to speak, but no words came out.

"Spied are you alright?" She asked a little concerned after a few minutes of him looking at her like a fish out of water.

"You and Lord Squinty..." He gulped visibly. "Had sex?" She laughed then.

"Yeah that's usually a requirement when you make a baby." She said a tad sarcastically.

"But...He's married... to your sister." She shook her head and looked out the window at the overcast day.

"They got a divorce a few months ago."

"Because of you?" Jude nodded sadly as she faced him again and he could see the regret shining in her eyes.

"We just...It happened and I...left...but he came after me...and he wouldn't leave..." Could everything really be explained in a few simple words, she wondered.

"You've always been in love with him though. All those guys and you never really gave any of them a chance. What was your longest relationship like 3 months?"

"4 and a ½" Spied shook his head.

"Does he love you?"

"Yeah." They looked at one another for a while and he was still struck by the lack of shadows in her eyes.

"I'm glad you're okay. So where's the little dude?" Jude rolled her eyes.

"In the nursery Spied. Ya know where they keep the babies?" He grinned at her and got up.

"I'll see you later then." He kissed her cheek and left the room, seeing Tommy and Karma outside talking about her latest album. Spied took Karma's hand and faced Tommy.

"Don't hurt her. She's been sad for a long time." Tommy nodded somberly. "Nursery?" Tommy pointed the way and Spied dragged a confused Karma away.

Stuart Harrison came by later that morning and Jude could only stare at him. She saw Sadie come in behind him and gave her sister an accusatory glare.

"Don't blame Sadie Jude. She actually called me to yell at me for calling your mother." Tommy held Jude's hand firmly, not saying anything. Sadie left quietly, knowing Stuart and Jude needed to hash things out. "I had no idea Victoria would fly all the way out here like that. I'm sorry Jude I just thought...maybe Victoria could be the parent for you that I wasn't..." Jude looked at her haggard father in astonishment.

"Dad! You're a great parent! Mom's the one who left us!"

"But she never would have if I hadn't broken up our family..." Jude could look at her father from a different point of view now, having experienced some of the same things he had.

"Oh Dad..."

"Jude I just...I don't want to lose you or my first grandson. I'll try to accept Tommy is in your life okay?" He nodded at Tommy who nodded back. Jude gave him a watery smile.

"His name is Aidan dad. He's in the nursery if you want to see him." Her father gave a grateful smile and walked towards the doorway where Sadie joined him from the hall.

"I love you Jude."

"I love you too dad." Tommy kissed her forehead after Stuart left.

"You're okay with him now?" Tommy asked willing to support any decision Jude wanted to make concerning her father.

"I wouldn't want Aidan to hate me if I made a mistake thinking I was doing it for the right reasons ya know?" Tommy nodded against her hair.

"How'd you get to be so smart Harrison?" She smiled at him.

"You admit I'm smarter than you?"

"Hey I never said that." He grinned at her and kissed her lips gently.

They had a few more visitors that day, all wanting to see the new baby, and a large flower arrangement came from Darius and G-Major. He of course was trying to sweeten Jude up for another contract, although she doubted she would be signing anything anytime soon, especially since Sadie was now working for their rival company. Jamie called from Vancouver unable to get away from his job long enough to fly in. He had seemed a little distant when he found out through the media that Tommy and Jude were together. Maybe it was because Jude had never really given their romantic relationship a chance either. Kyle was getting his masters in astronomy and couldn't get back from New York, but had sent a teddy bear and flowers for Jude. Wally was busy touring with a band he had hooked up with a few years ago, but had managed to call with congratulations.

The paparazzi camped outside the hospital trying to get pictures of baby Jommy, but the tight security kept them well away from the building. That had been one of the main reasons they had chosen a private hospital. They knew eventually they would have to release a few pictures of Aidan just to get the press off their back. They didn't want the press making speculations that there was something wrong with him after all, like they had with TomKat's baby, Suri.

At 9 the following night Tommy sneaked Jude and Aidan out of the hospital with little effort. No one expected them to check out so late, so the press had scattered for the day. Tommy had Jude and Aidan settled in the Hummer before he went to the driver's side.

Jude grinned at him. There were things about Tommy that probably would never change.

"You know sunglasses at night. Not so inconspicuous." He took them off then with a small smirk, although Jude did think he looked hot with them on. His blue blue eyes locked on hers as he started the engine.

"Home?" He asked. She nodded.

"Home..." And to Jude it sounded right.


	16. Prologue

**Epilogue**

Tommy woke up, but did not open his eyes, to his fiancée fidgeting in bed. He could feel her eyes upon him, but was trying to ignore it. She put her hand in his shoulder and shook him for a second before retreating.

"Tommy..." She whispered. "Are you awake yet?" He lifted one eyelid to see her face inches from his, her blue eyes intent on his. He snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her head onto his chest.

"Go back to sleep." He half growled closing his eyes again. She started wiggling against him, making him want to groan. They had not had sex since they had brought Aidan home six weeks ago and although Tommy would have waited forever for Jude to be ready, his defenses were lowered right after waking up. He finally let her go and opened his eyes.

"Harrison this is the first day off I've had in weeks. What is your problem?" She gave him a sheepish smile.

"Hey I got you that day off..." Somehow Jude had wheedled Darius into letting Tommy take his birthday off. Tommy wasn't quite sure how, but she had managed to cajole and then finally threaten the man into agreeing. "Tommy get up and get dressed I want to show you something." Her eyes sparkled in excitement and he had to fight a grin. At times like this she still reminded him of that 15 year old he had first met. He got up reluctantly as Jude started pulling random clothes from the dresser to toss at him. They were still living in her apartment for the time being, although Jude was looking for a house while Tommy finished his contract with G-Major. The wedding had been postponed, because they had both been so busy learning about Aidan together and Jude's house hunting.

"Geez girl at least let me use the bathroom first."

"Hurry up!" He shook his head as he made his way into the other room.

As soon as they entered the elevator to the parking garage adjoining the apartment building, Jude covered Tommy's eyes. He could hear the doors open and Jude pushed him forward until she finally stopped. He could feel the breeze brushing against their bodies as Jude let go and he opened his eyes. There was a moment of deja vu, although their positions had been reversed all those years ago. Jude looked on expectantly, biting her lower lip, hoping he would like his birthday present. They were on the rooftop with the morning sun shining down and there was brand new jet blue, 2008 Audi R8 with silver side panels parked in front of them. Although his heart was racing, he played it cool when he looked back at her.

"You're giving me driving lessons?" Her face fell for a moment, but she knew he was just teasing.

"Well you are getting up there Quincy. A retest couldn't hurt." He growled and tickled her as she dodged his fingers. They heard approaching footsteps and turned to see their nanny Ann Marie holding their son in her arms. Tommy let out a short laugh as he looked at Aidan.

"He wanted to say happy birthday to his daddy." The older woman said with a smile as she handed him to Tommy.

"What did mommy do to you?" He asked as he stared at his son, who had on miniature sunglasses just like his own, and an impossibly tiny leather jacket was wrapped around his small body. Jude put her hand on Aidan's cheek and grinned at Tommy.

"Well he has to look the part if he's going to be your wingman." Tommy looked into Jude's eyes as he wondered for the millionth time how he had gotten so lucky.

"Here let me take him. You two have fun." Ann Marie interrupted as she took Aidan back.

As the woman walked back into the building, Jude threw Tommy the car keys and jumped into the passenger's seat. He quickly joined her and looked over at his fiancée.

"This car costs more than my new Viper...You didn't have to..." Jude winked at him.

"I've made 6 albums. I think I can afford one car." He grinned as he turned the silent motor on. His eyes went to the mileage gage and he frowned. It read 189 miles and he glanced at Jude suspiciously.

"Wasn't this custom made?" She gave him an impish smile.

"Someone had to test it out for ya." He shook his head and had to grin as he shifted the clutch and they started out into the city streets. They soon left the city limits behind as he tested out his newest toy.

Later that night, Tommy loosened his tie in their bedroom as Jude slipped out of her dress. They had just come back from a birthday dinner with Sadie, Kwest, Spied, Karma, Jude's father and his family. Jude had rented out a room in an Italian restaurant she knew Tommy loved and they had all had a good time. Stuart had been cordial with Tommy if not exactly warm and Tommy knew the other man was trying. In Stuart's shoes Tommy didn't know if he would have been even that accepting.

As he slid into bed beside Jude she turned and kissed him hard, surprising him. She pulled back and rested her chin on his chest looking up at him with a secretive smile on her face.

"Did I tell you I saw the doctor yesterday?" He immediately tensed.

"Are you alright?!" Her lips found the smooth skin of his chest and she started to place open mouthed kisses along the hard surface.

"He said I'm all recovered..."

"You mean...?" She nodded and he quickly pulled her up and crushed his lips against hers. He soon had all their clothes discarded and was worshiping her silken skin with his tongue and mouth.

Tommy positioned himself between Jude's legs and looked down at her.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" She nodded, her eyes darkened with lust. He pushed into her wet heat slowly, savoring her flesh surrounding him. As he began to move she wrapped her legs around him urging him faster. Only she could make him lose control like this, as he found himself thrusting into her harder and her small scream as her muscles tightened around him made him want to bury himself inside her forever. He couldn't hold on any longer as he let the the intense pleasure hit him too. He rolled onto his back and pulled her with him. She looked up at him and he stared into her light eyes.

"Happy birthday." She whispered to him and he could only gaze at her mesmerized. She had given him everything he had never thought he would have. Aidan and Jude, with them he had found _home_.


End file.
